Parents, worrying about your kids is counterproductive

MOTHER: As an adult I have a responsibility to protect my child from harm. If my son develops an addiction to video games, don’t I have a responsibility as the parent to stop this?

DAVID: Many parents operate from the premise that children – especially young children – cannot be trusted to figure things out for themselves. By virtue of them being adults, they believe they know what is best for the child and it is thus their ‘responsibility’ to point out the error of their ways. From my perspective, it is very clear that the child is free to make his own choices on any given subject and that parental interference is unnecessary. The parent who chooses to ‘worry’ about the unwanted behaviour observed in a child energises and reinforces the problem (which exists only in the mind of the parent) through the power of her attention – in which case the “problem” amplifies. In all my years of experience as a teacher and life coach I have yet to meet a single child who had (seemingly) ‘gone astray’ who wasn’t fighting against some perceived threat to his ability to make his own choices (i.e. who wasn’t reacting to the interference of a fearful adult).

The only reason a child would develop an “addiction” to video games is because he has forgotten who he is; because he is out of alignment with his natural state of happiness and well-being. He is attempting to fill a perceived void by pursuing a dead end. But the behaviour itself is not the issue. The issue is his lack of alignment. The child wants to feel better. If you think about it, the only reason for doing anything in life is because we believe that in the doing of it we will feel better. A child who consistently feels good about himself (i.e. who is aligned with the love, approval and joy that resides at the core of his being) is not going to develop an addiction to gaming… or to alcohol or to sex or to any other form of escapism because these are all examples of instant gratification: transitory (and thus illusory) happiness.

How does the parent worrying about the child’s interest in video games in any way contribute to the child returning to his natural state of happiness and well-being? Many adults have decided that it is their responsibility to worry about their children. I do not see this as the function of parents. The only reason a parent could be observing her child’s lack of alignment is because she herself is out of alignment. Since it is not possible to change another person (regardless of their age), the greatest gift the parent can offer the child is to demonstrate through the clarity of her own example her willingness to strive for alignment with her own authentic self. In so doing the parent inspires the child to seek his own alignment. If the child is aligned, he feels good. If he feels good, he does not look to video games to fill a void… because there is no void to fill.

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The Eduspire Paradigm (Aug 2016)

What I am sharing here is the culmination of almost 20 years of experience teaching, mentoring, coaching and holding space for young people in a variety of educational settings, along with extensive reading, researching, writing, travelling, networking, innovating, alone time in nature and much soul searching.

I am co-founder of ROOTS, an outdoor creative learning space in the Bedfordshire countryside (UK), which supports young people of all ages (5 through 18) in connecting with their natural selves through a variety of nature-based sensory awareness games and activities. I am also founder of KIDS CREATE, which holds space for young people as they collaborate on creation and innovation projects of their own choosing. I demonstrate my definition of education (see P4 below) as a professional singer, actor and recording artist.

Eduspire stands for education infused with spirit. It is a child-led and innovation-oriented approach to learning and education. Children are not ‘educated’ in this new paradigm; consciously awakened adults hold an energetic space in which children are ‘eduspired’ – i.e. inspired to go within and educate themselves. Eduspire sees children themselves as the key to the creation of the New Earth and our job (as adults) as being to Listen, Empower, Trust (LET them be) and follow their lead.

The Eduspire Paradigm operates within the wider context of a New Paradigm for Living and Being, which is characterised by self-sovereignty, self-sufficiency, connection with nature, ecological awareness, collaboration, community spirit, shared abundance and contribution through the pursuit of personal passion.

The following list of presuppositions are designed to provide a conceptual framework for this new paradigm of education.

THE EDUSPIRE PRESUPPOSITIONS
P1: Every child is a unique, divine spark of unlimited creative potential.
P2: The simplicity and wonder of childhood is real life.
P3: Learning is as natural as breathing; it is a by-product of living.
P4: Education is the pursuit of passion.
P5: The purpose of life is to be your natural, authentic self.
P6: Every child has an inner guidance system.
P7: We are all equals, co-learners and co-teachers, regardless of age.
P8: Nature is our greatest teacher. The purpose of technology is to enhance human experience, not define it.
P9: Failure is feedback; we always succeed in achieving an outcome.
P10: The only constant in life is change.
P11: Play, Trust and Collaboration are the defining values of a Creative Learning Space.
P12: Education is a collective responsibility of the whole community.

Smacking children

PARENT: When is it appropriate to smack a child?

DAVID: Never.

PARENT: But there are times when my son oversteps the boundaries. For example, I can not and will not stand by and let him swear at me, his father. He needs to understand the importance of respect for his elders.

DAVID: There is no conceivable circumstance in which hitting a child is justifiable behaviour. The “adult as authority figure” approach to parenting belongs to the old paradigm of education and childrearing. The need for control over and unquestioning obedience of children is based in fear, not love.
Physiological age is irrelevant; the child is a human being. Human beings are equals. Children are equals. Children are to be treated as co-learners and co-teachers; afforded the same respect as any adult. To teach a child respect for others, you teach the child to respect himself.

PARENT: How do I do that?

DAVID: By treating yourself with respect. A parent who hits their child is lacking self-respect. A parent who hits their child is not in tune with the unconditional love that is who they truly are. A parent who hits their child has inner work to do.

PARENT: What kind of inner work?

DAVID: Smacking a child is a clear sign of an adult who does not understand their emotions and is acting out their own childhood pain. There is unconscious, dysfunctional conditioning to be brought into the light of their conscious awareness. This childhood conditioning needs to be looked at, questioned and released.

PARENT: But you don’t understand how angry he makes me sometimes.

DAVID: Nobody makes you angry. You make yourself angry by virtue of your perception of a situation and your choice of response. Projecting anger towards a child in response to their behaviour is saying, “I have no control over my internal state of being”. Physically acting out that anger by hitting the child is saying, “The outside world is responsible for my internal state of being”. This is simply not true. Such behaviour disempowers both parent and child and serves only to strengthen the wall of resentment between them.
Love is the answer. Love is always the answer. In order to respond to a child with love, you must first become your own source of love. It is the only way.

PARENT: I don’t understand why my child is so rude to me.

DAVID: Perhaps he is giving you an opportunity to look in the mirror…..

The future of education: live video interview

Live video interview with Chris Ogle on the L4G.tv Education Channel, during which we explored the future of education and the importance of empowering children to create and innovate.

Face your pain

“We can’t make a truly beneficial contribution to the outside world while our very perception of it is coloured by the pollution in our inner world. Change starts within. It wasn’t until I had owned and cleaned up all the toxicity in the lake of my individual consciousness that I was in a position to co-creatively contribute to transformation of the ocean of collective consciousness into which it flows. It is only now, having largely completed this process of conscious transmutation of pain that I am free to live, love and create.”

~ David Mills (Silent Life Coach)

Love is all there is

There is no denying that the world is in a state of escalating chaos and confusion right now. However, there is a POSITIVE PURPOSE behind what is happening.

Things will APPEAR to get a lot worse before they get better. This is because all the FEAR (false beliefs, lies, deceit, manipulation, corruption, distortion, dysfunction, suppressed pain, etc.) that has been hiding in the shadows of the collective consciousness for eons is now coming into the light of our conscious awareness. Why? This fear is an illusion and must be looked at, acknowledged and released in order to make way for the new. It’s rather like having a nasty spot on your face. All the pus inside the spot has to come to the surface before your face can heal. This is not pleasant, but it is a necessary stage of the healing process.

We have now entered a period of transition from what I call the Box of Fear (Old Earth) to the Garden of Trust (New Earth). I won’t sugar coat this for anyone. This transition is not going to be pretty or easy; transformational change never is. You are going to discover that almost everything you believed to be true about the world you live in is actually false. Becoming fully conscious of the scale of the deception – held in place by (hidden) governments, religious leaders, scientists, doctors and other so-called “experts” through the ages – is likely to trigger intense anger within you. This is perfectly natural. Honour your anger and allow yourself time to process it.

I strongly recommend watching the movie ‘The Matrix’ with fresh eyes. It is, in my opinion, the closest the film industry has ever come to revealing the true scale of the illusion you are living under.

However, the good news is this: the world that you wake up to (life beyond the matrix – the Garden of Trust) is profoundly beautiful and abundant, not at all dark or frightening. Truly, there is nothing to fear. Turns out the universe is a friendly place after all.

Love is all there is. Love is who we are.

The fear was just a big illusion, which gave us an opportunity to learn, grow and evolve. Without experiencing the darkness, how could we ever truly appreciate the light? Be grateful for your experiences. It’s time to step back into the light now.

Imagine a pitch black room with a single window to the outside world. Over the window are wooden shutters. For thousands of years those shutters have been firmly closed. The sun (the truth) has been shining brightly in the sky outside the whole time. We are now opening those shutters to allow the sunlight into the room. Everything that was previously hidden is now being flooded with light. There is nowhere for the darkness to hide, for it is nothing more than the absence of light.

Fear not, my friends.

I climbed out of the Box of Fear in 2008, specifically to prepare for this time period. I am not alone. There are millions of us all over the planet. We are variously known as lightworkers, empaths, star seeds and twin flames. Our purpose is to lead and guide you through this transitional period by serving as lighthouses of love. We have already released all fear from our individual vessels, which means we know how to support you in dealing with your own fear.

I describe myself as a conscious individual. I volunteered to awaken from the collective dream before the rest of humanity, for this transition period required wayshowers, trailblazers and pioneers to light the way for others. However, I am no more special or unique than anyone else on the planet. We are all important pieces of the human jigsaw puzzle. Each and every one of us makes our own unique contribution to the overall picture.

Know that you are unconditionally loved and supported at all times. Do not be afraid to reach out to me if your faith waivers. I am here to serve you.

All my love,

David

Introduction to my forthcoming book

An excerpt from my forthcoming book, ‘THE EDUSPIRE PARADIGM: A blueprint for education and life outside the box’.

—————-
INTRODUCTION
—————-

“I’m trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it.” ~ Morpheus, in the movie ‘The Matrix’

The purpose of this book is to speak my truth. That is, to share my unique perspective on the Truth, based on my own life experience. Mahatma Gandhi once said, “My life is my message”. I agree. This book is my best attempt to convey in words what my life’s journey up to this point has taught me about children, learning, education and life itself.

I am not overly concerned with what you get out of this book. The question is, what does the book get out of you? The door to the Truth remains eternally open. And there is a place deep within you that is eternally connected to this Truth. A Truth that has been obscured by the confusion of a dysfunctional world, itself born out of humanity’s attachment to a confused collective mind. Perhaps this book will serve to clear away some of the clouds of confusion blinding you to your own experience of the Truth.

Although some people have chosen to believe otherwise, Truth cannot be captured in words. Truth is the unchanging and ever-present backdrop against which the mind paints it pictures and creates its dramas. Truth is an intuitive knowing spoken directly to you through your feelings. It has to be felt in order to be known. It cannot be mentally comprehended or understood. It exists beyond words and beyond the mind that forms those words. Words can be such clumsy, cumbersome creatures, open to the subjective interpretation of the individual, who attaches meaning according to his own set of life experiences and corresponding perception filters – his beliefs, values, memories, attitudinal set-points, etc. Take the word “education”, for example. For many (if not most) people, this word is immediately equated to another word: “school”. This is – quite literally – a world away from my understanding of the word. And that is because I live in a completely different paradigm of life to most.

So do not focus too much on the actual words used in this book. My words are best viewed as signposts to the Truth. It is the state of being from which those words emanate that matters. I invite you to focus instead on the feelings that the energy behind my words generates. How do you feel in response to reading each sentence, each paragraph, each page, each chapter? There is no greater barometer of Truth than your own feelings. Trust those aspects of my message that resonate with you personally and disregard all those that do not.

This book culminates in me presenting an alternative vision for the future of education on this planet. It is my belief that a new approach to education can only emerge within the context of a new approach to life. So this book is about far more than just learning or education. It is about the creation of a new civilisation. The Eduspire Paradigm is to be viewed within the context of an already emerging civilisation that operates according to an entirely different “map of reality” to that in which the majority of humans are currently living. To attempt to evaluate the ideas herein presented through the eyes of the prevailing worldview would be a major mistake. Hence, my challenge is to offer you insights into the nature of reality from my perspective; to give you a glimpse of the universe through my eyes.

Again, my messages regarding learning and education are inextricably linked to my own life path and experience. I cannot separate the two for they are one and the same. My life – my personal example – is both my greatest message and my truest teaching. I am my own researcher. And my research method is called living. Consequently, those looking for scientific or academic research to back up my messages will be sorely disappointed by this book. In fact, to include any such supporting “evidence” would be to betray my truth and to dilute the potency of my message. We have – as a species – allowed the research of so-called “experts” to take up such a valuable space in our lives. It is valuable to the extent that we give it value. I teach on the basis of my personal experience alone. I feel no need to defend or validate my truth with the findings of others. I am seeking neither your approval nor your acceptance. Either you are inspired by my example, or you are not. Either way, I remain unattached and unaffected. Truth requires no proof; it is self-evident. I am living and breathing proof of all that I share in this book. I am my message.

Although I have no biological children of my own, I have always felt myself to be a cosmic parent to all children. I strive to view every child through the eyes of unconditional love and trust. For me, there is no greater gift that any adult – parent or otherwise – can offer a child.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for being you. You are loved.

David

Luton
July 2016

Accepting our darker emotions

We’ve got to stop repressing our “darker” emotions. It’s all part of being alive. I want to live in a world where it’s okay to express my anger, to talk openly about depression, suicidal feelings, etc. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Love is about acknowledging, accepting and embracing our inner darkness, just as much as it is about celebrating the light.

I can’t stand this superficial spirituality where people walk around with fake smiles on their faces pretending to be “happy”. Get real. Pain is an inevitable part of living. And the pain is there for a reason.

Sometimes I feel angry. Sometimes I feel sad and lonely. Sometimes I feel depressed. These emotions aren’t “wrong”. We don’t need to escape from them. We don’t need to “manage” them either. They are there for a reason. They need to be seen and acknowledged. Repressing and suppressing these emotions is what leads to dis-ease and dis-order.

Darkness is nothing more than the absence of light. As soon as we shine the light of our conscious awareness upon these “lower” emotions, they dissipate and return to love.

My feelings of hopelessness, meaninglessness, worthlessness and despair got so bad last year that I was close to taking my own life. I don’t feel I live in a society where it’s okay to talk openly about this without being judged.

“David, are you sure you should be telling people you were suicidal?”

Why not?? It’s the truth. Why should I be ashamed? Why are we so scared to talk about darker feelings and emotions? It’s all part of the human experience.

Facing and healing the dark cloud that has been hanging over me throughout my adult years has been the most significant part of my journey to self-love. I chose to do so without doctors or drugs. I chose to listen to my own body’s guidance, which was to consciously process all the suppressed emotion inside of me, going right back to my childhood.

So I sat with myself and patiently allowed all the dark emotions inside of me to come to the surface – to be seen, acknowledged and released. This went on for several months, almost a year. Was it easy? No, it was the most terrifying and challenging thing I have ever done. However, the dark cloud has now lifted. I am free.

In hindsight, my suicidal crisis last year was the best thing that could ever have happened to me. Until we have experienced the depth of the darkness within ourselves, how can we fully appreciate the light? Until we have found the courage to face our own inner demons, how can we unconditionally love others?

On life outside the box

Right now I feel like the happiest guy in the universe. I am living the dream; creating a life where I get to do what I love, with people I love, every day.

I am proud of myself for refusing to bow down to societal pressure to “get a job”, to “get on the property ladder”, to “get a mortgage”, to “settle down”, to “get married”, to “have kids” and to “save for retirement”. I am proud of myself for dealing so well with the disapproval and judgement of others (one acquaintance even took it upon himself to inform me that my economic value to society was zero!).

I am proud of my decision to continue living at home with my parents so that I could do the necessary inner work on myself; I could not have experienced a more challenging and simultaneously fulfilling path to emotional mastery and personal freedom, or a better grounding in multi-generational community living. And I could not have offered a more valuable gift to humanity, for I am no longer contaminating the collective consciousness with my internal pollution.

I am proud that I chose to turn my back on societal expectation and to forge my own unique path through the world, demonstrating a new way of living and being in the process. I have taken more risks and experienced more of the world in the past 8 years than most people experience in a lifetime. I have set up a freelance maths and confidence coaching business. I have worked with wild horses in the Canadian Rockies, staying in a tent surrounded by wild bears. I have trained in NLP, energy healing and hypno-psychotherapy. I have volunteered at a revolutionary school in the United States. I have recorded an album in Chicago with one of the world’s greatest jazz pianists. I have trained in musical theatre and secured representation with a top West End agent. I have played my dream role of Tony in West Side Story, backed by a 27-piece orchestra. I have created and starred in a short film with a group of young people. I have founded a forest school for kids in the English countryside.

The “work all hours to pay the bills” formula for life equates to a life of slavery, fear and misery. I’ve discovered that I live in a rich and friendly universe that reflects back my internal sense of worth and abundance, generously rewarding my heart-sponsored service. I will never need a job. I will never have to worry about money. Everything I could ever need is already inside of me.

Yes, it took some courage to unplug from The Matrix 8 years ago (that particular film is a powerful awakening tool for those who are ready, by the way) and to throw myself into the unknown. I felt desperately lonely and misunderstood for several years. But I am completely free now. I can do anything and go anywhere in the world. I have evolved into the fearless and powerful man I always dreamed I could become.

The Beatles were right: ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE. And I’ve discovered that love is who I am.

If you are ready to break out of the Box of Fear and to join me in the Garden of Trust, I am here to serve and support you.

www.silentlifecoach.com

Post-EU Referendum (UK)

The outcome is the outcome. No use fighting What Is, for this creates unnecessary suffering. Everything happens for a reason. The whole point of living in a democracy is that everyone gets the opportunity to have their say. It does not serve us to judge the choices of others. We can’t control other people. However, we always have the power to choose our response. Our responsibility lies in our ability to respond.

Responding requires a conscious choice. It requires us to step back, take a deep breath and create space between our racing thoughts. In this space, in this silence, we can reconnect with the heart and hear its gentle guidance.

Many people are inevitably disappointed. However, the sun is still in the sky. Our hearts are still beating. Nature is still as beautiful as ever. We still have our loved ones around us. Life goes on.

It does not serve us to get sucked into the media drama surrounding this result. Now is the time for us to pull together, not to spread gloom and doom. This result does not have to spell disaster for future generations. Focusing on that thought will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. We can instead view this situation as an opportunity to dig deeper inside ourselves, to connect with even more love.

Love is the answer.

I choose to respond to the situation with love… for the sake of the planet, for the sake of today’s children, for the sake of future generations. In the face of such political turmoil and unrest, it is up to those of us who care about the future to stand strong.

I’m more determined than ever to continue connecting, collaborating and strengthening relationships with other conscious, awakened individuals at a local community level. The truth is, the power to ensure a bright future for our children, for this country, for this planet lies within each of us as individuals. Let’s focus on our contribution to life in our our immediate spheres of influence. Our lives do not have to be defined by events on the national/international political or economic scene. We always have the power to choose our response.

Let’s choose love.

Let’s choose kindness.

Let’s choose connection.

Let’s choose collaboration.

When everything appears to be falling apart, that is the time to be pulling together.

Regardless of how you voted in the referendum, regardless of the outcome, I send love to each and every one of you.

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