Still beating yourself up about your obsession with sex? Still searching for a way to reconcile the apparent conflict between your intention to serve Spirit and your seemingly uncontrollable sexual urges? Of course you are; that’s why you’re here!
I find it highly amusing that my original post, ‘I can’t stop thinking about sex’ (published in August 2011), has become the most popular page on my blog, receiving several visits every day. This is clearly a topic that many of you are still struggling with. It goes without saying that sex and masturbation are not the first choice of topics for your typical blogger. Well, luckily for you, I am not your typical blogger. My intention in this follow-up post is to expand on some of the insights offered in my original post, which – if you remember – took the form of a question and answer session between a male questioner and a Wise Man. I have decided to drop that format and to speak in first person this time.
Believe me, if I can make peace with my sexuality, anyone can! I am Sun in Scorpio, Moon in Scorpio, Mercury in Scorpio, Venus in Scorpio, Mars in Scorpio and Uranus in Scorpio. For the benefit of those with little knowledge of astrology, this makes me one of the most sexually charged beings on the planet. Since the age of about 13 I have been an active volcano ready to erupt at any given moment. Where my relationship with sex is concerned, I have faced more pain and transmuted more darkness than you could even begin to imagine.
Let me begin by stating the obvious: sex itself is perfectly natural. It is the primary force of creation after all. But a constant craving for the momentary ‘high’ that ejaculation brings is entirely perverted. The man who sleeps with hundreds of women and the man who uses his imagination to do so are no different; their behaviour is equally perverted. That is not intended as a statement of judgement. I have made it clear in previous posts that there is no right or wrong in this universe; there are only choices. A perversion is that which contradicts the natural order of things. And there is nothing natural about wanting to fornicate with woman after woman after woman for the purpose of satisfying insatiable carnal urges. Man in his original, pristine state has no need for such destructive and self-disrespecting behaviour.
There are forces of darkness at play here. You need to know that these energies are very real. You didn’t seriously think they were just going to roll over and allow you to reclaim your freedom without any effort on your part, did you? Where is the fun in that? You are being continually tested. You know you are being tested and yet you convince yourself that one last buff of the candlestick won’t hurt. I’ll be a purer soul tomorrow, you tell yourself. Except tomorrow never comes, does it? Because tomorrow you feel guilty about the previous night’s indiscretion. And this guilt eats away at you. “I am not worthy to walk the Spiritual Path,” you lament. And so the perverted behaviour pattern continues. The darkness prevails once again.
Every morning you tell yourself, I can be strong; I can resist those sexual urges! But once they take grip you are powerless. Your perceived need for sexual gratification is just too strong to resist. And the more you try to resist, the worse the craving becomes. A mere glance at a pair of naked legs in a coffee shop window, or the briefest shot of cleavage on a TV screen and you are feeling all hot and bothered. Before you know it, Sergeant Major is standing to attention and there is no turning back. You try to convince yourself that it is not worth it. You already know you will feel nothing but guilt, shame and disappointment. You know this is not the path to happiness. You know you will not experience any long-lasting satisfaction. But, just like a cocaine addict, you are hooked. You don’t know how to stop yourself. That promise of momentary ecstasy, that briefest glimpse of heaven, is enough to lead you astray.
You are allowing yourself to be hijacked by the forces of darkness. The forces of darkness are laughing at you. They are laughing because they know you have the power within you to destroy them. And yet you are so easy to fool. So easily rendered powerless. They know exactly when to strike: the moment you let your guard down! Feeling tired today? A little lonely, depressed or just plain bored? Then you’d better watch out!
However, the source of these manipulative energies is not external. To believe that external influences are responsible for your actions is self-delusion. Apportioning blame to an irresponsible media or the intentional manipulation of minds by a corrupt music industry is not the answer. No, these societal patterns are just reflections of lost and confused aspects of your own psyche. Remember, the world around you is nothing more than a glorified hall of mirrors. You, and you alone, are responsible.
The first and most important step to coming to terms with your sexuality is to accept 100% responsibility for it.
This in itself is a major liberation. Once we are responsible for something we have the power to change it. When we fully accept responsibility for our own sexuality then any perverted behaviour becomes a conscious choice, rather than a subconscious ‘habit’ over which we have no control.
Attention needs to be directed to your own consciousness. Yes, it seems unfair, doesn’t it? You observe other guys sleeping around. They boast about how many hundreds of girls they have bedded. You want to believe that they are not living truly fulfilled lives and yet there is a part of you that doubts this. They seem so smug, so self-satisfied. You are reluctant to let go of the idea that the more women you sleep with the happier you will be. And the thought of another romp in the hay with a fresh female body is just so God damn tempting. You have no choice but to succumb to your carnal urges, right? Wrong. Once you have assumed full responsibility for your actions, you are free to make a choice.
The desire for carnal sex is one of the greatest obstacles to a man’s ability to follow the Spiritual Path. He may have addressed all other issues and healed each and every other wound held in his subconscious but, as long as he remains a slave to sex, he is not free. And his thoughts about sex are just as (if not more) destructive than his actions.
Transcendence of the desire for carnal sex is a necessary step along the path to enlightenment.
Until you have transcended your own ego-driven sexuality – until you have risen above your social conditioning – you are, quite literally, fucked. You may continue to masturbate, fuelled by the most erotic mental fantasies, for as long as you wish – there is no judgement in this – but do not expect to experience enlightenment any time soon.
For as long as you imagine yourself to be your mind (in which your body is contained), you remain a slave to it. The mind-body is not real. The mind-body is not who you are. Why do you allow yourself to perpetuate the myth that the experience of ejaculation is the ultimate thrill that Life has to offer? I will tell you why: because you were taught to believe it. And you bought into the lie. You were betrayed by those around you. You were betrayed because you betrayed yourself.
Since you’ve found your way to this blog, I’m taking that as a sign you’re ready to stop betraying yourself and to start honouring yourself. But before I go any further with this exploration of sex and masturbation, I must first say something important. If you take only one thing from this post, let it be this:
You’ve got to develop a sense of humour about all this!
Stop taking things so seriously! Learn to laugh at yourself. See the funny side of human nature. This is all part and parcel of life’s journey. When you fall off the wagon – and you will, more than once – just laugh at yourself. Then climb back on and keep going. You really can’t make any mistakes. Nobody and no thing is judging you.
Now, you may be thinking, if this stuff isn’t to be taken seriously, then why is David using scary terms such as ‘the forces of darkness’? These are just words, my friend. Look beyond the words and connect with your feelings. Words are nothing more than signposts. I can’t reveal the Truth to you with words. I am well aware that I contradict myself all the time in my posts. Don’t let that bother you; life itself is a contradiction! How do you feel about what you are reading? That is all that really matters. Feelings are the language of the soul.
Let’s turn our attention exclusively to masturbation for the remainder of this post. Masturbation is defined as the stimulation of the genital organs (of yourself or another) for sexual pleasure. I am going to focus here on self-stimulation of the male genitals.
For most men masturbation is usually accompanied by some sort of mental, visual or audio stimulation to assist in reaching climax. And therein lies the number one contributor to the subsequent feelings of guilt and shame. Far from enjoying the experience of pleasuring yourself, you use and abuse the gift of your imagination to use and abuse a woman’s body as if she were a slab of meat at the butcher’s. You don’t love her. You don’t even care about her. Is anything more selfish, more disrespectful and downright degrading than this? Is it any wonder that you feel guilty and shameful?
And what if I were to tell you that the woman in the coffee shop who you are ‘riding’ in your imagination is actually picking up energetically (subconsciously if not consciously) on your thoughts and behaviour? Because, I assure you, she is! Your every thought carries a vibrational frequency that immediately alters the structure of The Matrix (your physical reality, including everyone within it).
Here is a practical suggestion for making peace with your sexuality. This one change alone helped me tremendously in transcending my desire for carnal sex. The next time the urge to masturbate rises within you, accept the situation and go with it. No judgement. Whatever you do, don’t fight it. Fighting is futile. As Carl Jung famously observed, whatever we resist persists.
As you begin touching yourself, focus on being present with your body. Drop all mental, audio or visual props – you don’t need them. Just be in the moment with your body. Say to yourself out loud, as a declaration of intent, “I am pleasuring myself as an act of self-love. I am giving myself an experience of joy because I love myself.” Be gentle with yourself and take your time. Don’t be in such a rush to reach climax. Enjoy the journey. If you notice your mind wandering, just gently bring your attention back to the movement of your hands and tune into those inner feelings of peace, relaxation and enjoyment. There is absolutely nothing to think about.
I call this meditative masturbation. You will likely experience a deeper, more intense climax than you have ever achieved with the unnecessary addition of artificial props. And there is no longer any reason to feel guilt or shame because masturbation has become an act of authentic self-love.
Please be aware that the male orgasm is a throwing out of powerful creative energy. You could even view it as ‘wasted’ life force. For this reason, I find it useful, at the point of climax, to visualise the energy released as a glowing ball of diamond-bright white light that shoots up my body and directly into my heart. This is a constructive use of my imagination because it feeds me with energy. Masturbation with artificial props (imagined or otherwise) depletes me of energy and generates those unwanted and disempowering feelings of guilt, shame and disappointment.
Click here for the third and final part in this series of posts. Here is a summary of the four key points shared in this post:
1. The first and most important step to coming to terms with your sexuality is to accept 100% responsibility for it.
2. Transcendence of the desire for carnal sex is a necessary step along the path to enlightenment.
3. Develop a sense of humour about all this.
4. Practice meditative masturbation as an act of authentic self-love.
